39 + and time to explode

**warning, i'm not sure where this post is going so beware, it probably will not make any sense**

 

i'm a ball of whirlwind emotions lately, especially after that taste of labor on monday and tuesday. what an experience it was! so peaceful and beautiful and exactly how i pictured this birth. what happened exactly? well i'm no expert but i have a good idea of what happened. i was so deep in the zone tuesday night when we were sure the baby was coming. i was in my head, listening to my body, feeling every contraction. i remember coming out of it (distractions) and immediately feeling a break in contractions, then a complete stop. insane i tell ya. pam said to me "isn't it funny how emotions can do that?!"

 

 this week has been full of waiting, both patiently and madly. full of yearning to experience this labor thing again. for real this time. full of praying, daydreaming, begging, preparing, teasing contractions. oh, and sniffles. yes i have a cold or something of the sorts. stuffy noses have taken over the johnson household.

 

last night while we were talking about how excited we are to meet this little person, i told andrew that this is going to be one cool soul. this baby is already teaching me so many lessons. i'm learning more about myself. how cool is that? this baby is still tucked safely into my womb and teaching me lessons. yes, this is going to be one cool little creature.

 

i still feel like screaming though. i am so ready. i can't explain how ready i am. i am trying SO hard to be patient but goodness it feels almost impossible. maybe i can walk up and down our driveway some more. or do more laundry. or cook more food. or clean the floors again. hell, anything to keep my mind off of...this. whatever this is. wanting to go into labor. wanting to meet my little one. wanting this to be over with and not wanting to let go of being pregnant all at the same time.

 

oh emotions.

 

told you this would be everywhere. not even sure why i'm writing it.

 

oh yeah, i guess ill share the photo's i am now calling "labor number one" that my sister took this week. she did a pretty stinking amazing job. i love her. i was going to wait to share them with my birth story but i feel as though this part of my pregnancy doesn't belong to the birth story. just a crazy something that happens when you don't have drugs controlling your body and birth. this thing called nature. you heard of it?

 

oh PS- my sister is not a photographer. as a matter of fact i gave her a bit of a crash course on how to use the camera just a few days before these were taken. she did an amazing job. these were taken over a course of two days.

 

enjoy.

 

 



38 weeks

 

 

 

hello baby. today mommy is 38 weeks. you have dropped deep into my pelvis and you are in position. we are all so ready to meet you, little one! daddy lays his hands on you in the morning before he goes to work and you kick him. i am usually asleep and do not feel this movement but daddy tells me about it. i think it is so sweet! big sister plays with you often, blowing raspberries on mommy's tummy. i think it startles you because you move suddenly when she does this and we giggle hard! mommy has been sleeping as much as possible to prepare for labor. i have been experiencing many more practice contractions, and they are getting lower and a bit stronger.  i am so ready. i am ready to bring you into this world and experience all of it. we are going to be such a wonderful team, you and i. and with daddy's help, along with pam, i have all the confidence in the world that your birth is going to be a beautiful event. are you ready?

 

i love you so, little one.

 

ps-big sister helped me take some last minute belly photo's while we were at the park yesterday. i am loving my round belly and curvy body. i will miss this form when you are here, earthside and in my arms dreaming sweetly. i cherish these captured memories.



 

 

 

35 week belly

i am 35 weeks preggo. this could possibly be the last photoshoot i am able to do with our precious little one in my womb. the thought is bittersweet, really. i love being pregnant, though i am achy all the time and i don't sleep much anymore. my belly is constantly itching and i see a new stretchmark everyday, but i don't care. andrew pointed to his side the other day and said "you're not the only one getting new stretchmarks, baby!". it made me feel good. i love him. this shoot is dear to my heart. the last photo's to be taken of just my girl and i together (the very same day these were taken). i will cherish these moments for the rest of my days <3

 



emmi's garden shoot, spring 2013

i wanted to do some special photo's for my girl since she is graduating kindergarten this may. this is a big deal, ya know. she gets a cap and gown and all kinds of cool stuff. we brainstormed together while eating lunch in the school cafeteria and decided on a "secret garden" inspired shoot. while there is no public garden that i know of in our small town, i was able to spot a beautiful field full of wishing flowers. it was perfect. she was totally into it in had so much fun, she didn't want to leave. she even got pretty dirty. success my friends, success. 

 

the beauty of your dreams

this photo was taken a couple of years ago, still you look the same while sleeping. peaceful and happy, secure in your world. you lay in my arms last night and i couldn't believe how tall you're getting. i watched you breathe and smile and giggle. i wondered what you were dreaming about? i could imagine how fun and vivid those dreams must be for you.
i remember when you were a baby and what it felt like to hold you in my arms at night while you slept and nursed. i miss those days yet i love watching you become this amazing creature. you are so kind and lovely. your heart is good. i pray that God can guide me to teach you to become a good person, a changer of the world. i can already see that in you though. you are strong willed, a true leader. you are open and free and a bit wild inside.
 it makes my heart so happy that you will be the one our new baby will look up to. it makes me even happier that you will be apart of this little one's journey from the very beginning. we have prepared you for this coming journey, the birth of your sibling. i was never once worried for you. i look into your eyes and see that you are ready for this. that you know what to expect and exactly how to cope. i feel your excited energy and know that you will be a strong presence in this experience. i feel comfort in your presence. thank you for wanting to be apart of this. i love you so much.

momma

32 weeks

 

hello baby love <3 yup. it's clearly laundry day. mama couldn't find anything to wear that covered my belly. that's OK though because we are painting your furniture for your room today! you are getting so so so big! daddy has been connecting with you a lot more lately and feels your movements often. it has been so much fun showing your daddy and your sister what they can feel. your bottom sticks out the most, and sometimes your little feet. pam, our midwife, showed me how to kinda map out my belly and tell what's what. it's all i do now. i love feeling your movements. i love waking up and seeing how big you grew overnight and feeling how much stronger you are. you are such a wiggle worm. you are going to be a hyper kiddo. perfect match for your sister! goodness the time is passing by so fast. i can't wait to meet you but i so love being pregnant and being a part of you, my love. you just enjoy yourself there, in my warm womb. no hurry, ok? i love you so much.

mommy

2010 roadtrip

this trip will forever be so special to me.
 

 

andrew and i were asked to be apart of a friends wedding in wyoming. we took the opportunity to discover a bit of nature, stopping anytime we saw something that caught our eyes.

 

 

 this day i stepped into the arkansas river that ran in between the colorado mountains. i cried out to God and felt his powerful presence, possibly more than ever. i felt a connection to that river. the cold pebbles under my toes were driving their energy right into the core of my bones. my head was spinning with emotion and the beauty surrounding me took my breath away.

 

 

andrew has traveled the US quite a bit more than i have. i have only been to a few places, so andrew wanted to make this little trip special for me. special it was, only it nestled a longing for freedom and travel deep in my heart and soul that will always be there. i have dreams that one day we will pack our family into a bus and GO. go see this country we live in. perhaps see the world. learn first hand about other cultures and their customs. see all that God made for us.